My Garden

Saturday, April 09, 2005

I have to finally put this to rest so I am writting to ask you some things and to let you know what and how I feel. First of all why, when I was a little girl and should have been playing with dolls and having tea parties with my teddy bears, weren't you there to watch over me and protect me? Where were you and with who? Because you were to busy with your own happiness I had to grow up scared of men, thinking that that was all that I was worth. I became a young woman thinking that all that men wanted was someone to take care of them and someone to have sex with. No little girl should have to grow up like that, feeling unloved and alone. Not only you were not there to protect my childhood but you weren't there for the fun things either, why? When we were learning to ice skate, roller skate, ride horses, water ski and so many other things dad was always the one there teaching us while you were off chasing Chester. If you were not happy with dad and wanted to be with another then you should have gotten a divorce and been with the one you loved, in doing so you would have been protecting us from the horrors of being molested over and over again. Did you not love us kids?
Also, now that we are grown up why is it that your never there for me but always there for Cheri? No matter what issue comes up you always take Cheri's side and give in to her demands, even at the expense of any of us other kids. Do you have any idea how much this hurts the rest of us or do you even care? When you nor Cheri wanted Leon you gave him to me to care for but the minute that Cheri decided she'd like to stay and home you had her come and take Leon not caring how that made me feel. Well I'm going to let you in on a secret,,,,every time you do these things it drives the stake in my heart deeper and deeper and now it's to the point that I'm not certain it can be pulled out. But, I'm to the point that I can't worry about any of this any longer. It consumes my time and energy when I should be living a creative succulent life, but no more. I'm going to do whatever I have to to heal and move on and have a life. A life that is lived for me,,,,without the emotional baggage that has held me back for so many years. It is time for me to spread my wings and soar and not worry about what any of you think about what I'm doing.
Then it was your time.....now it is my time!

Posted at 2:14 PM

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